


I Love You

by junmyeonssi



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Kim Bros, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Marriage, stan junmyeon, triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 05:51:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16487039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junmyeonssi/pseuds/junmyeonssi
Summary: Sad, anxious Jongin and his knight in shining armor aka SehunOkay that was a bad summary but enjoy my fic anyway





	I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so a lot of how Jongin is, is how I felt. No, I don't have someone like the Sehun in this fic (sadly), but I have my internet friends who helped me a lot. I love you all. also did I get all the tags? who knows

Whereas Kai was confident, ambitious, and sexy, Jongin was sad, anxious and nerdy. 

 

Jongin stumbled into the bathroom, covering his face with his hands.  _toomuchtoomuchtoomuchtoomuch_

Crying softly, he stuck a finger down his throat and forced himself to throw up.  _worthlessworthlessworthlessworthless_

As he flushed the toilet, he smiled to himself, it wasn't a happy one. It was a horrible, fake version of a smile, one filled with disgust and self-loathing. 

 

Kai was supposed to be good at everything. School, life, dancing, his job, everything. Kai was his alter-ego, a person he let himself be for a few hours, and then Jongin would crash and burn, throwing up into the toilet and giving himself a bad imitation of a smile after.  _smilemorerealisticallynobodywantsaseethroughfakesmileteachyourselftosmile_

 

Jongin hunched over the seat. Vomiting up everything he had eaten, he laughed and sobbed to himself.  _goawaygoawaygoawaygoaway_

Jongin didn't just vomit up food, he threw up the disgust he felt and the horrible feelings of anxiety and sadness. Just once, he wanted to feel okay, not as Kai, but as  _Jongin._

 

While Kai was strong and flirty, never letting a mean comment get under his skin, Jongin flinched and curled up, trying to avoid it. Kai was what people wanted, so Jongin faded and gave Kai his place. 

 

Someone watched him. Standing from a distance, Sehun watched as Jongin disappeared and Kai came back.  _That's his stage persona, why is he also letting it take his life?_

A question even Sehun couldn't answer despite his observations of Jongin and Kai. 

 

Jongin laughed to himself.  _you see? they don't want you, they want Kai. and Kai wants them. I should just leave._

With that thought, he threw up the rest of his disgust and anxiety, letting it sit in the toilet, staring at his face. 

 

Soon, Sehun decided. He would start leaving notes for Jongin, to tell him how much he was needed and how Kai was a stage persona who shouldn't be taking over Jongin's life. 

 

_Jongin_

_Why did you stop? Kai isn't you, it's just a stage persona._

_Please come back, I don't want Kai, I want you._

_I want your smile, your laugh, your voice, your actions, your love, not Kai's._

_From,_

_OSH_

Glancing at the note, Jongin read it and snorted.  _who wanted a nerdy loser like him?_

But he saved the note anyway, folded it up and put it carefully in his backpack. 

 

Kai came back. Just like before, people didn't want a person who could barely look them in the eye, much less a person who couldn't even hold a conversation. So Kai was back, back to make people love the personality in Jongin's body. Meanwhile, Jongin disappeared a little more. 

_My Jongin,_

_Why did you go back to Kai? You were so much better as Jongin._

_As Kai, people don't love you, they love the facade you put up. It's not you, it's a fake._

_Please just.. come back to me as Jongin, even just for a day._

_I want you, not Kai_

_OSH_

Jongin wondered who was playing this cruel joke on him. Nobody wanted him, they wanted Kai. But if that's what the note sender requested, he might as well. Once he proved how bad he was at functioning, maybe he'd be able to go back to being Kai again. The only thing that bothered him was how he yielded so easily to the anonymous persons request. Like before, he saved the note. 

 

Sehun was happy. Yes, maybe Jongin had trouble talking and looking at people and well, functioning in society, but he was  _finally_ back to being the boy who Sehun had fallen in love with. 

 

Jongin kneeled over the toilet. Finally he vomited up all his disgust at himself and the anxiety that plagued him. Tomorrow he would go back to being Kai.  _nobodywantsyounobodywantsyounobodywantsyounobodywantsyou_

 

Kai smiled and laughed happily. Because he was here and popular. People liked him, wanted to get to know him. But a voice in the back of his mind told him that Jongin was still there underneath it all, worrying and hating himself, Kai resolved to get rid of Jongin. 

 

Sadly, Sehun watched as people surrounded Jongin-  _no, Kai._ He wished Jongin would come back. As he started scribbling another note to Jongin, he promised himself he would sigh his full name instead of initials. 

_Dearest Jongin,_

_Why do you never stay as Jongin? You're so amazing as Jongin, if people would get to know you better, they'd realize that._

_I love you as Jongin, not Kai. Kai is just a stage persona, let him go._

_Please Jongin, come back to me._

_I love you,_

_Oh Sehun_

Startled, Jongin dropped the note.  _Sehun? The hot, talented boy in dancing?_ They had been friends in high school, but Jongin drifted away when he learned about how popular Sehun was, and how his father was apparently rich. Jongin didn't want to be labeled a gold digger as well as a freak.

 

"Jongin?" Someone called out his name softly.

"Yes?"

Walking over to Jongin's desk, "All of those notes were true. I love you and Kai is just a stage persona, please don't let him take over your life. You're so much better than Kai."

"I-I- okay." _Great job, Jongin. You're stuttering again. Go back to Kai._

"No, don't. I want you as Jongin."

 

And seven dates later, Jongin was comfortable and happy. They were together, forever. Sehun had scheduled appointments for him, the therapists and doctors, to get Jongin diagnosed and maybe prescribed pills for it, if needed.  

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

That had been five years ago. Jongin was working his way towards being all the way better. Yes, he would have mood drops and sudden depressive phases and maybe even relapsing, but Jongin was getting better. And Sehun was happy. 

They were eating at a small diner, the place Sehun had taken Jongin for their first date. And for some reason, Sehun has told Jongin to close his eyes.

"Jonginnie?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Open your eyes." 

Sehun was on one knee, on the ground, holding a box open, with a a ring inside, "Jongin, I love you so so so much. Without you, my world would not be complete. I love you and I want to spend my forever with you. Will you marry me?" 

"Yes, yes, yes! I love you more though. I thought you were going to break up with me or something." Jongin pouted slightly but at the same time he was so happy. 

"But I love you the most." Sehun said with a cheesy grin as he slipped the ring onto Jongin's ring finger. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

"Is Junmyeon even qualified to be the priest? He's your brother, is this even allowed?" Sehun fretted. 

"Well if he wasn't, you'd know because Junmyeon is a stickler for rules." 

People were bustling around them, getting them ready for their wedding. It wasn't traditional for the groom and the bride to see each other before the wedding, but Sehun reasoned that they were groom and groom, why not? So Jongin's mother and his brothers acquiesced and let Sehun and Jongin share a dressing room. Of course, nobody had thought about the sheer amount of people needed there in order to get them ready. Along with Minseok, Junmyeon, and Jongdae, who are Jongin's brothers and of which, two of them are his groomsmen and one is the priest, Baekhyun and Chanyeol who are Sehun's groomsmen were there. 

"It's time!" Junmyeon cheered. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 A half hour later, Jongin and Sehun were married. 

There would probably be ups and downs, joy and sadness, but as long as they had each other, life would be perfect. 

**Author's Note:**

> well, I hope you enjoyed? also why the fuck is Junmyeon the priest   
> anyways kim bros for life   
> and please read my other fics?


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